You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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