im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
