Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
