FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
