My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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