no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
