She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
