I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
