I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
