Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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