I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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