Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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