God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
