He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
