I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The best revenge is premature balding
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
