I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
