i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
