barbara walters just said penis...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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