i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
