I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
