i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
