i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You made out with two different species that night
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
