Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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