He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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