My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just had sex on a roof
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
God I need to hump something, right now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
