Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
