i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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