mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
