Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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