i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
