i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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