do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
