Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
