Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
