I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
