Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
