if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
