just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
