My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just googled if crying burns calories
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
