he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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