Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Terrible idea I love it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
