You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Its about making memories worth repressing
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
