she looked like the before picture.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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