He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
