He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
