I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
