I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
