Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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