This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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