You really coming over, don't trick.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
