Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
